For those who missed this great workshop here are the highlights of the work-shop “Choosing to communicate differently”, brought to us by Lydia Haferburg and held at the INC on November 20th 2018.

At the workshop we were introduced to the E.S.P.E.R.E method, which  stands for relational communication. Developed by the psycho-sociologist Jacques Salomé, its objective is to promote healthy communication in relationships. 

The ESPERE method offers tools which enable us to learn a new way to understand and communicate on our differences in our daily life. 

In other words, it helps us to help ourselves. It leaves each of us free to have our ideas, beliefs, choices or points of view. And to become more aware of those with whom we have a relationship.

In this workshop we considered situations taken from our daily lives, in which we sometimes feel helpless and might have the tendency to position ourselves as victims. We discovered “relational scarfs”, a typical ESPERE tool, which gave us awareness of our share of responsibility in a relation-ship, whether personal or professional.

Experimenting in small groups helped us to make a distinction between the relationship we have with a person and an issue we argue about together. The exercise revealed the difficulty we observe in our daily lives: how we conflate the relationship with the request. 

Using the relational scarf helped us to disconnect the two different levels and to do away with the guilt we might feel when saying “no” to somebody. It showed us that we say only “no” to the request and not to the whole relationship.  We might not accept the request, but we do continue to accept the human being and our relationship with them.we argue about together. The exercise revealed the difficulty we observe in our daily lives: how we conflate the relationship with the request. 

The workshop came to a close with an exchange on the topic of best practice communication : as managers, parents, entrepreneurs… We resolved to assert ourselves even more than we already dare to do today in order to live more healthy relationships. The collective spirit helped us a lot in our personal commitments!

Some testimonies: 

“I became aware about my part of the responsibility in a relationship, which is fifty percent, not less  and no more!  I tended to think and act for the other, taking the responsibility for the both of us.”

“I feel freer in saying “no”, since I have discovered some softer ways of expressing my disagreement. I can disagree whilst respecting the other’s point of view. This will help me to argue in a less aggressive manner with my boss”.

“The method gave me some stimulating alternatives to not maintain submission or opposition at work as a manager.”

Lydia Haferburg, executive coach and owner of “InBalance” 

https://inbalance.fr/

Thank you Lydia ! Thank you to the INC for hosting our Professional Development workshops this year and thanks to the INC team for making it happen : Muriel Janoir Bessioud (PWN member :) and Karine Buriez.

For more information on the PWN Professional Development programme for 2018 - 2019: https://pwnparis.net/resources/whats-new/news/2340:professional-development-dare-to-lead-your-life-2018-2019-programme-save-the-dates.html

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